Himitsu
by subaruxkamui4ever
Summary: Ichigo leaves his body with Uryuu while he's out to kill a hollow, and Uryuu seizes the opportunity to indulge himself in a secret wish. Yaoi! IchiIshi Ichigo Kurosaki x Uryuu Ishida. Rated for slight language, angst, and boys touching. It's delicious! :


Title: Himitsu

Author: Evil Day

Rating: PG-13, language and boys touching.

Series: BLEACH

Pairing: Ichigo x Uryuu

Summary: Left all alone to stand watch over Ichigo's body while he's out killing hollows, Uryuu indulges in a few hidden wishes. Pretty angsty, but not overwhelmingly so.

Spoilers: None. Takes place just after Soul Society.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, least of all BLEACH. Kubo-sensei has that distinct pleasure.

All submissions from Evil Day are works of fiction. All characters mentioned are of legal age of consent in the state of California, regardless of the canon age given in the original work. This includes the work itself and any comments posted afterward.

* * *

秘密

"Kon, wait!" Ichigo raised his hand out towards the mod soul, but it was too late. He was already out the door and into the hall. "Damn it! Uryuu, why can't you ever just fix him without using the lace?"

Uryuu shifted uncomfortably on Ichigo's bed, needle and thread held defensively in front of his chest.

"My apologies. But his design is uncomfortably plain." Pushing his glasses up higher on his nose, he let out a shallow breath and stood up from his seat, arranging his tools around in their plastic case. "Perhaps I ought to leave. I can just fix him later, when he's calmed down a bit."

"Well, he's hiding now. I know for a fact he won't go out of the house looking like that." Ichigo turned back to Uryuu and tossed him a wry smile over his broad shoulder. "But at the same time, he'll hide until he's sure you're gone."

"Then, I'll be on my way."

Ichigo turned to watch as Uryuu finished putting away his sewing tools. He knew there was something he could do or say to get the Quincy to stay just a little bit longer, but under pressure the excuses he'd dreamed up the day before were lost, scattered around in his head somewhere. Fumbling mental fingers sifted through the sands of his mind and came up empty handed, but just as Uryuu turned to bid farewell to Ichigo, a sharp sound and a flash interrupted the moment.

"Oh, shit…there's a hollow." Ichigo undid the substitute license from his belt loop, muttering internally about the awful timing.

And then he thought of a thing to say to Uryuu that might actually work. It was situational, believable, and immediate. Perhaps it wasn't absolutely necessary, but by the time Uryuu figured it out, Ichigo would already be out the window.

"Uryuu! I have to go. Can you do something for me?"

Ichigo added a large amount of theatrical urgency to his words, causing Uryuu to widen his eyes in worry.

"What is it?"

Choosing not to answer just then, Ichigo pressed the license to his chest and effortlessly separated from his human frame. Catching his limp body from under the arms, he tossed himself on the bed face up, marveling at how creepy the whole idea was, even after all this time.

"Can you watch my body while I'm gone? My sisters might come home soon, and if they can't wake me up they'll freak. Just tell them I'm not feeling well or something, okay?"

"Uh...okay...but, what about-"

"I'll be back!" Ichigo flew out the window and sped off into the fading sunlight in the direction of the hollow. He could feel it from his room and knew that it wasn't anything to be worried about. It was a wonderful opportunity, however, to actually come up with something to say to Uryuu without having to look him in the face while thinking of it. Ichigo could never think when Uryuu's gaze settled on him.

* * *

"I'll be back!"

Ichigo was out of sight within moments. Unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do, Uryuu looked back and forth between Ichigo's currently unoccupied body and the door that led out of Ichigo's bedroom. He hadn't really been given much of a choice, but if it was that important to Ichigo, then Uryuu decided that it couldn't be helped.

He sat down stiffly on Ichigo's bed, laying his sewing kit on the floor by his feet. Ichigo's body was splayed haphazardly on the far side of the mattress, but there was enough room on Uryuu's side in order to seat himself comfortably. Uryuu folded his hands in his lap and waited.

Neither he nor anything else moved for a very long time.

Uryuu's right knee itched suddenly. Looking down, he scratched at the place and then refolded his hands, attempting to remain as still and silent as the room itself.

The sound of his own breathing occupied his time and his mind. He took slow, even breaths, waiting for just the right amount of space between the inhale and the exhale. It helped his nerves a bit, which were already on edge from being alone with Ichigo. It was for the sole purpose of repairing the unfortunate vessel Ichigo has chosen for Kon, but to Uryuu it was a drastic change from his normal routine.

"What would I be doing right now," he murmured, "if I weren't here?"

He knew the answer before he even uttered the question, and the idea struck him with a pang of emptiness. Absolutely nothing. Oh, he'd be studying, of course, and fixing himself dinner. Taking a shower and getting into bed, probably around 9 o'clock.

Uryuu bit his bottom lip. Absolutely nothing.

Gradually he let his shoulders relax from their tight grip on his back, and after a moment of holding his breath he exhaled and turned to look over at Ichigo.

Seeing a lifeless Ichigo was much stranger than it sounded. Uryuu had never had the opportunity to spend time with Ichigo's empty body, but the idea and the real thing before him clashed horribly.

Uryuu felt that it was unfitting. Ichigo, the real Ichigo, was always moving, talking, running, yelling…always being his loud, unabashed self. He didn't lie down, or sleep, or relax, or even sit quietly. It was the strangest thing Uryuu had ever seen.

The sunlight was fading fast from the sky, but still a few bright orange beams shone in through the glass window and danced over Ichigo's tanned skin with some help from the trees just outside. Uryuu felt the corners of his thin mouth turn upward slightly. There was hardly any difference between the color of the light and the color of his skin. Ichigo himself was just like the sun.

"Overbearingly cheerful," Uryuu said aloud, wondering why he hated the sun so much and yet couldn't stop thinking about Ichigo. There wasn't any difference.

"I wonder if I shouldn't just tell you now."

Uryuu knew it would be so much easier than if he were awake. Of course, there could be no reaction, but at the same time, there could be no rejection, either.

"You know…I hate you so much."

Uryuu watched Ichigo's face, still and silent as it had been since he'd gone. He moved himself so that he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing Ichigo directly. Uryuu's knee was only a few inches away from Ichigo's face, and Uryuu hovered over him as he spoke.

"I've hated you ever since you transferred to our school. And when I saw that you had decided to become a Shinigami…I hated you even more."

As he spoke he noticed a small piece of ginger hair that had fallen down over the other boy's forehead. Hesitating at first, Uryuu reached out boldly and brushed the strands back up into place. His entire arm burned with the guilt that he felt instantly, and he couldn't help but feel as though he were doing something wrong.

"And when you decided to run off into Soul Society…I hated you for it. So much so that I decided to follow you there."

The knowing sting of frustrated tears welled up in Uryuu's eyes, but he closed his eyelids for a few seconds and sent them back down to where he had hidden them. Far too lost in the moment to go back, Uryuu reached out with one delicate hand and traced the tips of his fingers against the bare skin on Ichigo's forearm.

"Wow…your skin is soft..." Uryuu didn't know what he was expecting, but he thought that is was strange for such a strong person to have such soft skin. His left hand clenched together in a fist, imitating his heart. Uryuu knew he shouldn't have allowed himself this sort of indulgence, knowing that it only led to despair. It had been a long while since he'd allowed himself to accept that he felt such a way.

"But now…I hate you more than ever. I hate you so much I can't stand it when you're not around. I hate the way you look." Uryuu's fingers slipped in and mingled with Ichigo's unresponsive ones, and he took in the feeling at long last. He had always wanted to know what it felt like, to hold the hand of Ichigo Kurosaki.

"I hate the way you act. And I hate the way you feel…I hate the way your hand fits so well…with mine..." He squeezed Ichigo's hand harder, imprinting the way his fingers felt against Uryuu's own into his memory. God, he just wanted to scream from the loneliness, but he knew it would be futile. It hadn't ever helped before. All of the muscles in his chest twisted around themselves over and over again until he thought he might burst from the strain.

But he didn't burst. Instead, a single tear broke free from Uryuu's dark lashes and slid down the ashen skin of his cheeks. Angry at the thought, he reached up and swiped the tear from his face, eradicating the evidence immediately.

Uryuu had thought that if he said it aloud, it might disappear. Perhaps it was only a trick of the eye, or a passing fascination. But the longer he sat and stared at Ichigo, empty but still somehow warm, the stronger he could feel the creeping sensation that there was nothing he could do to escape from…himself. From Ichigo, or from the way Uryuu really was.

He abandoned reason for good, promising himself it was just enough to save what was left of his rationale. For just a small second, he put everything he knew aside and leaned over closer to Ichigo, shifting slightly on the mattress that creaked a warning to his deaf sense of reason. Uryuu let go of Ichigo's hand and placed his arms on either side of the other boy's shoulders, leaning in so far that he had to rest his chest on the lifeless one beneath him.

Uryuu stared at Ichigo's face, mere inches away from his own. He noticed that Ichigo was still breathing, and Uryuu found himself fascinated by just lying there and feeling the rise and fall of Ichigo's broad, muscled chest against his own thin frame. It wasn't anything at all like Uryuu imagined it. It was gorgeous.

"I hate you more than anything else in the world."

Uryuu pressed his lips against Ichigo's.

The gentle contact alone was enough to shake something loose in his head, and he closed his eyes and simply kissed, not daring to imagine what he was incurring. The last sane part of his mind screamed out that this would only make things worse. There wouldn't be a safe and comforting moment left in his life if this was the first and last kiss. It was much better just to leave it to fancy, instead of having to contend with an actual memory. The loneliness from this moment alone might eat him alive.

Ichigo's mouth was unresponsive, but it didn't matter to Uryuu. All he could feel was the fragile skin of Ichigo's lips under his own, and a far away taste that reminded him of summer. Ichigo tasted like pure laughter in the summer sun, and Uryuu savored the essence for a few more stolen seconds before breaking himself free.

He sat up quickly, a burning sensation filling his cheeks that reminded him of just how real all of this was.

Attempting to move as though everything was ordinary, Uryuu brought his feet to the floor of Ichigo's room and sat upright on the bed, as though nothing had ever happened.

He didn't move another inch until Ichigo returned, some 20 minutes later.

* * *

"Hey!"

Ichigo poked his head in through the window, waving cheerfully at Uryuu. The Quincy froze, shoulders rising in defense, but he slowly stood up from the bed and turned to look at Ichigo, who was in the awkward process of climbing back into his body. It took him a few moments, but finally both Ichigos merged and became one, and he sat up on the bed, stretching his limbs.

"Was it a difficult fight?" Uryuu asked in a halting voice.

Ichigo frowned at his tone, wondering what was wrong, but he swung his legs off the bed and stood up with a grin.

"Nah. It was nothing." He tilted his head from side to side, feeling a tiny snap in his spine. Shifting back into humanity was never easy. "Anyway, I think it's almost dinner. Do you want to stay?"

Uryuu didn't respond right away. He bent down and picked up his sewing kit from the floor, and walked decisively towards the bedroom door.

"Hey…where are you going?"

Uryuu opened the door, pausing just long enough to look back at Ichigo with a strange sort of lost look. His skin was more pallid than usual, and Ichigo studied him as Uryuu studied him back. The air in his bedroom had become stifling while he was away.

"What's wrong?"

Uryuu shook his head. "Kurosaki?"

The weight of his voice stuck like a knife in Ichigo's chest. "Yeah?"

"I hate you."

Uryuu was gone. Ichigo stared at the back of his bedroom door, eyes wide in disbelief. He didn't believe Uryuu, but he didn't feel that following him would do any good at the moment.

Instead, he lifted his fingers to his lips, wondering where he had picked up the taste of a frozen winter.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading! Reviews are traded in for more chapteers and stories, so send them in! Please! Yeah!

Evil Day


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